In which the Shaman takes it on himself to wind up Tex Hex.
Oh God here we go. It’s Christmas Eve on New Texas, but nonetheless there’s no rest for BraveStarr. He and Thirty/Thirty are about to set off for Iron Mountain (presumably a location, rather than the document storage company) to intervene in some minor concerns there. Before going, he grabs Judge JB and looks like he’s about to kiss her before she gives him a death stare, so he settles for a hug instead.
Over at the Hex-Agon, Skuzz has got wind of BraveStarr’s upcoming departure, and reports back to Tex Hex, who is looking spiffy in a brand new red outfit. Tex Hex announces his intention to invade Fort Kerium in the morning, on Christmas Day, and settles down in a chair for a good cackle. It’s at this point that the Shaman appears and embarks on a stunningly pointless retelling of A Christmas Carol, with Tex Hex in the role of Scrooge.
We learn that once upon a time, Tex Hex had a girlfriend called Ursula, and in order to gain money for their life together, Tex went into business with McBride. The two of them came to New Texas to mine kerium, but very quickly Tex Hex betrayed McBride, enslaved a whole host of Prairie People, and eventually fell in with Stampede, who granted him magical powers. Tex Hex then abandoned any thought of returning to Ursula, and dedicated his life to evil.
The Shaman now reveals that Ursula is on her way to celebrate Christmas at Fort Kerium, which upsets Tex Hex, as he was planning on attacking Fort Kerium in BraveStarr’s absence. Not happy with having dropped this bombshell, the Shaman then decides to show Tex the future, which consists of a gravestone in a volcanic wasteland, where a shadowy figure looms around ominously, giving the distinct impression he’s going to drag Tex down to hell. Seems the Shaman’s run out of sugar pills and kid gloves this week.
On Christmas Day, Stampede leads the assault on Fort Kerium, but Tex Hex realises that with Ursula in town, he cannot risk the attack going ahead. He warns the town of the impending attack, giving the inhabitants the time they need to raise the defensive walls. Stampede calls off the assault, and the Shaman stands around in Fort Kerium spouting smug platitudes.
In today’s adventure…
BraveStarr reminds us that Tex Hex is only a character in a show. Thank God for that, BraveStarr. I thought he was real, given how plausible and convincing he seems. Once he’s reassured us on the Tex Hex front, BraveStarr then goes on to add that there’s often good even in bad people, and suggests that we try to find it.
Character checklist
Tex Hex and the Shaman are the double-act that make this episode the pure undiluted pleasure it most decidedly isn’t. However, also featuring – usually for one line at most – are BraveStarr, Thirty/Thirty, Fuzz, Judge JB, Handlebar, McBride, Molly, Stampede, Skuzz, Thunderstick, Vipra, Cactus Head, some dingoes, Ursula, and Ursula’s new husband.
Insults
It’s not an episode well equipped with a ready supply of insults. Tex Hex refers to BraveStarr as a “miserable marshal”, to his army of Prairie People slaves as “varmints”, and to his ship as a “tin junk heap”. Otherwise, all we get is McBride, who tells Tex Hex he’s an “inhuman monster”.
Strength of the Wolf, Eyes of the Bear, etc
None of this nonsense today, praise be to God.
Starr Rating
I’m at a complete loss to really understand what this episode thinks it’s doing. I mean, no offence, but if I wanted to watch A Christmas Carol, I’d watch the one with Captain Picard, or the Doctor Who one. I might even read the book. I certainly can’t conceive of an occasion when I might think, “You know what, I think I’ll watch an adaptation of A Christmas Carol. But which one? Patrick Stewart? No. Doctor Who? Don’t think so. Blackadder? Not quite what I want. A Muppets’ Christmas Carol? Tempting, but I’ll pass. Ah, BraveStarr! That’s the classic version that I really want to see.”
We delved into Tex Hex’s past once before, quite early on in the episode Eye of the Beholder. It was quite good then, because it was just a hint, but fleshing it out so much here is just pretty tedious. The Shaman setting himself up as the various Christmas ghosts is similarly annoying. All in all, I won’t be recommending this one.
BraveStarr Episode Review Site 