In which BraveStarr and Tex Hex find a common goal.
I don’t think this episode is going to be ambiguous about whether this Thoren chap is a goody or a baddy. Not only is he described in the title as a slavemaster (not a good thing), we begin in the Hex-Agon where he is having a friendly chat with Tex Hex (not a good person). To put the evil cherry on the top of the diabolic sundae, Thoren’s appearance is such that there seems no doubt as to his baddy status. He’s immense, vomit-coloured, possessed of pig-like tusks, gigantic claws, and small red eyes. He’s also dressed up in a turban, baggy trousers and small waistcoat, but that may be because he’s got a starring role in a pantomime later. Who knows? I’m not judging.
Just to demonstrate his evilness beyond all possible doubt, Thoren offers to give Tex Hex a superweapon capable of destroying Fort Kerium, if Tex Hex will supply Thoren with a large number of Prairie People slaves. Tex Hex naturally leaps at this proposition, and I can’t say I’m entirely against the notion. If it all works out, I might never have to see Fuzz again. Good luck, Tex.
Tex Hex plans and executes an almost perfect scheme, managing to capture three Prairie People. Unfortunately, he fails to capture an individual called Rudy, who runs straight to Fort Kerium and alerts BraveStarr, prompting a trip to the Hex-Agon to investigate. Once there, he finds the place in chaos: Thoren has decided to go back on the deal, and just to make things extra funny, he’s shot Tex Hex with a miniaturisation ray.
BraveStarr, Thirty/Thirty and Fuzz also manage to get themselves miniaturised, and end up in a cage with Tex Hex. Thoren then wanders off, with no evident purpose other than to give our heroes the opportunity to escape. Naturally, they seize this opportunity and bust out of the cage, using a plan involving encouraging Fuzz to fire a gun even though he has no idea how to use it safely.
With only a few minutes of the episode’s runtime to spare, Fuzz successfully reverses the miniaturisation ray and restores himself, BraveStarr, Thirty/Thirty and Tex Hex to full size. Then it’s time for a hilarious denouement in which BraveStarr miniaturises Thoren and his pink guards (as well as Tex Hex, for good measure), and then starts quoting from the Bible while looking unnervingly straight down the camera lens.
In today’s adventure…
BraveStarr witters on again about the importance of doing unto others as you would them do unto you. These morals are all very well and generally in line with the episode, but the problem is that in most cases, the characters finish the episode with a discussion demonstrating the moral, then fade to black, then come back up again with the moral segment to spell it out. We don’t need it spelling out, because we’ve literally just heard it. Even the stupidest of stupid children wouldn’t need it making this explicit.
Character checklist
It’s a smaller cast than usual today, involving only BraveStarr, Thirty/Thirty, Fuzz, the Mayor, Tex Hex, Skuzz, Thoren, Rudy and the three nameless Prairie People. Thoren also comes equipped with what seems like 8 billion pink guards.
Unnecessarily Violent Horse
Thirty/Thirty kicks things off this week by baring his teeth in a most disconcerting way and announcing that he intends to “do some stomping”. And by golly, he really follows through on this promise. At around the 11 minute mark, he shoots a pink guard at point-blank range. The guard explodes. As it turns out, the guards are robots, but Thirty/Thirty can’t have had any way of knowing this. He should take a long hard look at himself, but of course he doesn’t. Instead, he simply bellows that he’s “getting really mad”. I’m so glad I don’t live on the same planet as this demented horsey thug.
Insults
Nothing very exciting here, although Tex Hex does manage to get a full house by insulting basically every other major character this week. He calls BraveStarr a “varmint”, Thirty/Thirty a “bag of bolts”, Fuzz a “little desert rat”, and Thoren a “rotten double-crosser”. Thirty/Thirty is the only one to retaliate, addressing Tex Hex as “buster” and “coyote”. He also gets aggressive with the pink guards after he’s discovered they’re robots, calling them “tin heads” and “tin cans”. Otherwise, the only noteworthy moment is Fuzz getting in a slight dispute over his pay packet and calling the Mayor “cheap”.
Strength of the Bear
BraveStarr employs his favourite ability to force his way into the Hex-Agon, and then again a few minutes later to put three pink guards out of action. He does this without killing them. Thirty/Thirty should take note. The bear strength comes out yet again as part of a plan to escape Thoren’s cage, and then again to kick the head off another pink robot, which rather disappointingly lowers BraveStarr to Thirty/Thirty’s level. BraveStarr subsequently needs the bear strength to punch a computer, and gives it a record-breaking sixth outing to throw Thoren’s spaceship off New Texas. I genuinely did not need to hear the phrase “Strength of the Bear!” six times in the space of 20 minutes today.
Speed of the Puma
The puma speed is instrumental in an admittedly rather intelligent and borderline amusing plan to defeat the pink guards. I’m going to hand this one to BraveStarr: it’s not a bad move.
Starr Rating
If you can look past the obsessive use of the bear strength, this episode is a nice, solid, entertaining entry. It keeps us interested throughout with the various twists in the tale; the moment Thoren turns on Tex Hex is particularly satisfying. The miniaturisation ray is an entertaining plot device, and there’s a decent sense of peril once our heroes are shrunk. Thoren himself is a convincingly slimy villain, meaning it’s very satisfying when he’s finally defeated. All in all, this one’s good fun and well worth a watch.
BraveStarr Episode Review Site 