In which Tex Hex pretends to be a nice guy by chaining BraveStarr to a pillar.
Right, this setup is rather convoluted, so pay attention. Senator Chambers from the Galactic Council is visiting New Texas, trying to work out whether the planet is a suitable location for a spaceport. Tex Hex decides he’d like New Texas to have said spaceport, so he can nick all the fighter ships docked at the spaceport. To this end, he employs a bunch of dingoes to attack the senator, and then comes to the senator’s rescue, thus earning the senator’s trust. Got that? Okay, let’s continue.
Chambers decides that with trustworthy chaps like Tex Hex around, New Texas is an ideal spot for a spaceport, and back in Fort Kerium, he reveals the full extent of this plan. The most salient point of the plan is that BraveStarr will be required to escort all the ships to and from the spaceport along the space shipping lanes, meaning that he will be absent for days at a time. Judge JB argues that without BraveStarr, New Texas will be defenceless, which speaks volumes for her opinion of Thirty/Thirty and Fuzz.
Chambers sticks to his guns on this point, and BraveStarr stalks off in a huff. The Mayor proposes that in order to prevent trouble in Fort Kerium, Tex Hex must be prevailed upon to sign a treaty “promising to be good”. That’s the sort of treaty we could do with more of in international politics right now, simplistic though it is. Anyway, Tex Hex signs the treaty, though I’m going to go out on a limb here and theorise that he might not stick to it.
Once the spaceport is built, Chambers orders BraveStarr to leave on the first shipping consignment, but BraveStarr refuses on the basis that Fort Kerium will be vulnerable to attack. Chambers responds by ordering the townspeople to arrest BraveStarr, an order which is disobeyed until Tex Hex and his cronies arrive and offer to arrest BraveStarr themselves.
This offer is accepted, and Tex Hex’s gang manage to tie BraveStarr to a pillar in the spaceport. Don’t ask me where Thirty/Thirty’s got to. Normally he’d relish the opportunity to blast Tex Hex’s head off, but he’s nowhere to be seen. Must be off renewing his subscription to Humanoid Horse Monthly or something. Anyway, with BraveStarr out of action, Tex Hex is able to steal the spaceport’s radio mast and divert the arriving fighter ship over to the Hex-Agon.
BraveStarr declines to free himself from the pillar, instead opting to call up the Shaman for a pointless chat about the time they both went for a walk in a forest and saw a spider. These two have such a wealth of cool stories, it would keep the BBC Drama Commissions team busy for months. Once this thrilling reminiscence is over, Thirty/Thirty and Judge JB arrive to release BraveStarr, but he still opts to prove his point by doing nothing while Tex Hex nicks the fighter ship.
Once he’s satisfied that Senator Chambers has been proved indisputably wrong, BraveStarr finally decides to act, and he, Thirty/Thirty and Judge JB barrel over to the Hex-Agon for an exciting final confrontation with Tex Hex. Once Tex is defeated, the fighter ship’s pilot decides to leave New Texas immediately, which is perhaps the first sane thing anyone’s done in this entire episode. Once he hears of the debacle, Senator Chambers shuts down the new spaceport and leaves in a temper.
In today’s adventure…
BraveStarr and the Shaman inform us that it’s fine to want things, but remind us that in the pursuit of these things we should not become greedy and thoughtless. They also reiterate the story about the spider, and it’s great to hear that again, because I hadn’t really appreciated the full awesomeness of it the first time round.
Character checklist
Again, we get virtually everybody who’s ever featured in this series, including BraveStarr, Thirty/Thirty, Fuzz, Judge JB, the Shaman, the Mayor, Senator Chambers, Tex Hex, Thunderstick, Skuzz, Vipra, Sandstorm, some dingoes, and the fighter ship pilots. One person who hasn’t featured lately is Handlebar. I hope he’s not ill or something.
Unnecessarily Violent Horse
Thirty/Thirty’s role in this episode is relatively small, but he still finds the time to shoot Thunderstick shortly after snarling, “Now I’m starting to get mad!” I genuinely want to know if there’s ever been a time when Thirty/Thirty wasn’t either mad or nearly mad. He also raises his gun to destroy the fighter ship, and has to be dissuaded by Judge JB, who gently reminds him that there are innocent people on board. I strongly suspect that Thirty/Thirty doesn’t care.
Insults
BraveStarr seems to have a minor case of wildlife obsession this week, addressing Tex Hex as a “snake” and Thunderstick as a “polecat”. Elsewhere, Tex Hex calls the dingoes “thieving varmints”, and I’m pretty sure he also refers to BraveStarr, Thirty/Thirty and Fuzz as “grated fools”, but I’m sure that can’t be the case, because that’s just stupid.
Ears of the Wolf
Oh hello, wolf ears. You don’t come out very often. Today they’re put to use listening in on the arrival of a fighter spaceship, an act which gives BraveStarr literally no more information than he already had.
Strength of the Bear
To the strains of some overly dramatic music, BraveStarr finally gets round to using the strength of the bear to free himself from that infernal pillar.
Speed of the Puma
As if realising that he’s wasted a Christ-load of time being tied to the pillar and listening to the Shaman’s rubbish, BraveStarr suddenly puts on a spurt of puma speed at the end of the episode to get to the Hex-Agon in time to save the fighter ship.
Starr Rating
I think “could be better, could be worse” sums this one up quite nicely. It’s definitely not an episode you’ll love, but neither is there anything here that’ll upset you. In not stirring any particular feelings one way or the other, it settles into a happy mediocrity, and I’m fairly certain I’ll have forgotten all about it within two minutes of finishing this sentence.
BraveStarr Episode Review Site 