In which we learn we shouldn’t shoot people.
BraveStarr and Thirty/Thirty are patrolling round the desert, when – as per usual – they come across some coyote/dingo outlaws shooting at someone, who introduces himself as Borker. BraveStarr takes it upon himself to get involved, which annoys Borker, because Borker was only using the coyotes for practicing his shooting skills. Borker’s ultimate aim is to take the law into his own hands and shoot Tex Hex, on the basis that BraveStarr isn’t very good at his job.
BraveStarr is naturally not enormously impressed by this proclamation, and threatens to arrest Borker if he breaks any laws. It’s now Borker’s turn to be unimpressed, and so begins an enormously dull storyline about Borker attempting to recruit himself a band of vigilantes to shoot Tex Hex while BraveStarr pontificates about Borker’s right to free speech and the peoples’ right to assembly. Am I just being oversensitive or is this a none-too-subtle “USA-good-USSR-bad” metaphor?
Eventually, Borker gathers a following and takes them off to shoot Tex Hex, but of course it’s a trap. Tex Hex has played on Borker’s rabble-rousing to lure him into leading all Fort Kerium’s top fighters out of town, thus leaving it undefended. Naturally, Tex Hex and his crew use this opportunity to attack Fort Kerium, and it’s up to BraveStarr and his level-headed friends to stop him. Incidentally, Thirty/Thirty is among the level-headed friends. His mother must be so proud.
With Tex Hex defeated, BraveStarr uses the remaining few minutes of the episode to talk Borker out of murdering Thunderstick in cold blood. He achieves this by wittering on about how everybody must respect the law and not shoot people, for so long that Borker eventually gets fed up and gives in, undergoing a miraculous change of heart and developing a sudden love for the due process of the law.
In today’s adventure…
BraveStarr cautions us not to break the law, as if this episode could ever have had any other moral. As examples of law-breaking, he offers nicking things from shops and crossing the road when the pedestrian lights aren’t green. Is that genuinely a crime in America? Serious question.
Character checklist
A very hefty dramatis personae greets us this week, with BraveStarr, Thirty/Thirty, Judge JB, Fuzz, the Mayor, Handlebar, McBride, the Shaman, Borker, some random townsfolk (including Zeke from Kerium Fever), Tex Hex, Thunderstick, Vipra, Sandstorm, and the dingo/coyote outlaws. Wow, pause for breath.
Unnecessarily Violent Horse
Thirty/Thirty half-heartedly suggests stomping some baddies, a notion to which BraveStarr curtly responds, “There’s no time.” I’m quite interested to know how much time Thirty/Thirty usually takes to stomp his enemies.
Insults
Borker leads the field this week, addressing the coyote/dingo outlaws as “dog-breath”, “desert rats”, “creeps” and “desert scum”, Tex Hex as “miserable rat” and “bone face”, Sandstorm as “big windbag”, Thunderstick as “garbage” and Tex Hex’s associates in general as “scummy crew”. There’s little anyone can do to top all that, but Tex Hex makes a valiant effort when he calls Handlebar a “big tub of cosmic lard” and a “blubberhead”. By contrast, Vipra fails to achieve much of an impact, offering only “little pest” to Fuzz.
Eyes of the Hawk
BraveStarr decides to start up with this nonsense about a minute or two into the episode, when he wants to know what’s going on between Borker and the coyotes. The hawk eyes make a second appearance later on, so BraveStarr can find out whether Borker and his gang have met Tex Hex yet.
Strength of the Bear
This one’s used as the episode dribbles its way towards a conclusion, when BraveStarr needs to escape from Tex Hex’s clutches.
Speed of the Puma
At a very early stage of the episode, BraveStarr invokes the speed of the puma to join in the fight with Borker and the coyotes. I wish he hadn’t bothered. It might have spared us this irritating yammer of an episode.
Starr Rating
In theory, it’s all very well, but it’s just frightfully earnest in its message that you mustn’t take the law into your own hands, and that shooting people doesn’t tend to help matters. Incidentally, I agree with said message, but I don’t appreciate having it hammered home with less subtlety than a Daily Express editorial about immigration. The entire first half of the episode consists of virtually nothing but this message repeated again and again in a variety of guises, the most irritating of all being the scene where Fuzz spells the message out really slowly for the benefit of the dimmest viewers. The second half adds a bit of action, but it’s still interspersed with frequent patronising lectures. In summary, this is preachy and boring, and best avoided.
BraveStarr Episode Review Site 