In which Thirty/Thirty picks a fight with a pig.
It seems BraveStarr’s job is in peril this time. A snooty ambassador is visiting New Texas, and he concludes that because Tex Hex hasn’t been causing any trouble lately, BraveStarr is not needed. The notion that Tex Hex hasn’t caused any trouble because BraveStarr is around doesn’t seem to have occurred to the ambassador, who is fulfilling the narrative function of being a blockheaded cretin.
He’s not the only one, though; Tex Hex has decided to try to nick off with a kerium freighter called Thistledown 123 and kidnap the ambassador, despite the fact that if he just keeps his head down for a few more days, BraveStarr will be out of his hair and he’ll be free to do as he pleases. Perhaps Tex Hex is unaware of this, perhaps he just likes making things difficult for himself, or perhaps he is simply incapable of seeing past the opportunity for an incredibly short-term gain.
BraveStarr uses his ears of the wolf business to learn Tex Hex’s plan, but even being in full command of the facts, he doesn’t make much of an effort to prevent it; instead of actually attempting to intercept Tex Hex, he gets embroiled in a pointless fight in the desert with an evil pig, who – for some indeterminate reason – appears to be dressed as a bus driver.
Thanks to BraveStarr’s less than enthusiastic response to the threat, Tex Hex is successful in taking over Thistledown 123 and in capturing the ambassador and the New Texas Mayor. Faced with this situation, BraveStarr belatedly starts taking the proceedings seriously and wibbles off to visit the Shaman for some advice.
The Shaman offers more than advice; he provides the means for BraveStarr, Thirty/Thirty and Judge JB to get aboard Thistledown 123. This is made easier by the fact that Tex Hex – having achieved a modicum of victory – doesn’t do anything to actually capitalise on his gains. He’s just pointlessly hovering above New Texas making insulting telephone calls to the populace, and while this is no doubt satisfying, it’s probably not his long-term ambition. (On the other hand, I don’t know what Tex Hex’s long-term ambition is. It’s even more vacuous than Skeletor’s was. For all I know, Tex Hex’s life goal actually is to take over a spaceship and make nuisance calls, in which case, he’s won.)
Anyway, our heroes retake the ship, in a series of action sequences involving shoot-outs, sleeping dust and gratuitous shots of Judge JB’s arse. Thanks in no small part to a contribution from the ambassador, victory is never really in doubt – though I have to say, BraveStarr still puts in a pretty lacklustre effort. Even so, the ambassador is sufficiently impressed to rescind his recommendation that BraveStarr be removed from New Texas, so it’s champagne and canapés all round, I suppose.
In today’s adventure…
BraveStarr is seated in his office, and looks up disinterestedly to deliver a by-the-numbers little speech about teamwork, which we all saw being used in the episode to regain control of Thistledown 123. He barely seems to care, though, and if he’s this bored by the third episode, how much enthusiasm is he going to be able to muster in 50 weeks’ time when he’s called upon to witter about drugs yet again? Come on, get with it, BraveStarr.
Character checklist
This week treats us to appearances from BraveStarr, Thirty/Thirty, Judge JB, the New Texas Mayor, the ambassador, the Shaman, Tex Hex, Tex Hex’s weirdo sidekick who still doesn’t seem to have a name, the evil pig, another baddy called Sandstorm, another one called Thundersteam, and yet another baddy who doesn’t have a name yet but can be described as a green snakey female. There’s also a mercifully brief showing for Fuzz, towards whom I am beginning to consider homicide.
Unnecessarily Violent Horse
Thirty/Thirty doesn’t even wait to utter a line of dialogue before shooting his gun Sarah Jane at the evil pig. This inevitably goes wrong and results in pig boy landing squarely on Thirty/Thirty’s head. Later on, Thirty/Thirty gets a genuinely psychotic look in his eye at the prospect of beating Tex Hex up, and goes on to yell furiously about how mad he is. Thirty/Thirty is actively terrifying. Who among us hasn’t had nightmares about being punched to death by an insane stallion? Just me then.
Insults
Things are a little nastier this week than they have been previously. Tex Hex kicks things off by referring to his nameless sidekick as a “wizened weasel”, and goes on to call Judge JB a “blasted judge”. Judge JB doesn’t take this lying down, offering “monster” to describe Tex Hex. Finally, Thirty/Thirty and that evil pig get in a pointless little argument in which the pig calls Thirty/Thirty “donkey brain”, and Thirty/Thirty retaliates with “pig-nose”.
Ears of the Wolf
This category makes its debut today, as BraveStarr listens in on Tex Hex and his collection of squawking idiots as they ride towards New Texas City with intent to cause havoc.
Strength of the Bear
This one is, I suspect, going to be BraveStarr’s most commonly used ability. This time, he employs it to dig himself out of a pile of rocks. I was evidently not paying 100% attention, because I didn’t really realise he was under a pile of rocks until he had to dig himself out. He also uses it a little while later to rip down a wall, as well as a subsequent use to prevent Tex Hex getting Thistledown 123 back to the Hex-agon.
Starr Rating
It’s entertaining and solid, but it’s probably not going to top anyone’s favourites list. As a straightforward action story, it can’t be faulted, but it doesn’t particularly give us any reason to care about the proceedings. As far as I can tell, no one in the story except the ambassador and the Mayor ever know that BraveStarr’s job is at risk, so there’s no particular tension there. BraveStarr himself doesn’t seem to have any major impetus to do anything about the situation; there’s a weird sense of going through the motions to his behaviour. In summary, it’s fun enough, but no classic.
BraveStarr Episode Review Site 